


I don't know how to explain this but it's gay so you should read it

by colorfulbucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Remembers, M/M, Nightmares, Oops, POV Steve Rogers, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, oh no it looks like my bullet slipped, we won't kill anyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 19:24:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulbucky/pseuds/colorfulbucky
Summary: The nightmare thingy from AOU but it's gay





	I don't know how to explain this but it's gay so you should read it

I felt something take over my mind before an image appeared in my head.

  
_I looked around at the club and saw couples dancing and a band playing._

_"Don't leave me hangin' Stevie," A familiar voice said. I looked up and saw Bucky with his hair slicked back in his uniform._

_"Aren't ya gonna dance with me punk?" Bucky asked and held his hand out to me._

_"Buck, keep your voice down, we could get arrested." I said and Bucky smiled at me._

_"You know they lifted that law after we told everyone about us, now come dance Stevie." Bucky said and I took his hand. Bucky pulled me out of my seat in the bar and started dancing with me. Bucky swung me around and he smiled at me. I looked and saw Peggy and Angie sitting together at the bar and I waved to them. I could hear the Howlies letting out catcalls to Bucky and I. I turned around and smiled at Bucky, I closed my eyes and went into kiss him. I didn't feel anything and I opened my eyes. The club was empty._

_"Buck?" I called out before Bucky appeared and started choking me._

_"This would have never happened to me if you caught me. You can't even do that can you? I spent my whole life taking care of you only for you to let me down. I hate you, I wish you died in that plane crash." Bucky hissed and I cried._

_"Bucky please," I said before Bucky snapped my neck._

  
I woke up with tears streaming out of my eyes and I was shaking. I could feel Clint shaking me but all I could hear were Bucky's words. Clint slapped me and I came back to reality.

"Are you ok Cap," Clint asked and I nodded.

"Who's Bucky?" Clint asked and I shook my head.

"No one," I said and stood up. I went back on to the plane ignoring Clint's questioning looks.

  
**\-----**

  
I leaned against the walls of the plane before I felt a large bump.

"Sorry for the turbulence guys," Clint said and I shook my head.

"No-"

"Cap?"

"Get me off!"

"Steve?"

"I SAID GET ME OFF!" I yelled and fisted my hair in my hands. Someone tried to touch me but I pushed them away hard.

"GET ME OFF!" I yelled as I started crying.

"Bucky, I'm sorry." I mumbled as I pulled my hair tighter. I stared out the plane window and I yelled. I could feel the cold water infiltrating my throat and I started to breathe heavily. I closed my eyes and all I could see was Bucky falling. I cried out for him before I felt a shock register through my body and I passed out.

  
**\-----**

  
I woke up on a couch and I was stripped of my gear. I quickly sat up and saw the team looking at me.

"Where are we," I asked.

"Clint's house, now tell us what happened." Natasha asked and I stood up.

"Same as everyone else," I said and Natasha blocked me.

"No one else threw Tony across the plane like he weighed nothing."

"I'm sorry Tony," I said.

"It doesn't matter, I'm fine, but you aren't." Tony said and I tried to move but Natasha pushed me on the couch.

"I'm fine, really," I said.

"Steve, I had to use my stingers on you." Natasha said and I sighed.

"I don't wanna talk about it," I said.

"You don't get a choice buddy, you're endangering yourself and others now." Clint said and I rubbed my face.

"What happened," I asked.

"We had some turbulence then you just started screaming to get you off of the plane and for Bucky." Natasha explained and I sighed.

"There's something the history books aren't telling us," Tony said and I sighed.

"I wanted to tell you all, I really did." I said and Natasha sat down next to me and rubbed my shoulder.

"Tell us now Steve," Natasha said and everyone sat down.

"You guys know the story, I was tiny then I got big. I saved all those people and then all those years later I put a plane in the ocean." I said and everyone nodded.

"There were only a few people who really knew why I went in to save all those men." I said and everyone looked at me in confusion.

"I went into save my boyfriend," I said and everyone gasped.

"Bucky-"

"Bucky was my boyfriend, I just didn't wanna tell you guys because I was scared." I said and I felt tears slide down my cheeks.

"Being gay isn't illegal anymore Steve," Natasha said and I laughed.

"They told me that but I don't see much of a difference. Kids still get bullied in school for being gay like I did. People still have to hide from people in fear like I did. People are still scared of conversion therapy like I was. People are still dying like I could have." I said and Natasha rubbed my back.

"I went into save him, and I found him on a torture table. I saved the rest of his unit and suddenly they were with us every day. We kept our relationship a secret to everyone but the Howling Commandos, Peggy Carter, and Howard." I said and Tony looked at me in shock.

"What about Aunt Peggy?" Tony asked and I smiled.

"I loved Peggy, but I can never love anyone like I love Bucky. She had Angie anyways so she understood."  I said and Tony nodded

"Bucky's always been it for me, there was never a time when he wasn't. Until we went on a mission to capture Zola and Bucky was blasted through the train car. I reached out for him but he slipped." I cried and tightened my fists.

"It wasn't your fault Steve," Natasha comforted me.

"I watched the love of my life die," I said lowly.

"I was crushed by his death, I still am. I've had nightmares about it almost every night since it happened. Everything became too much eventually. The nightmares, the pitiful looks, the responsibility, the missions, the fear, the sadness, the guilt, just everything. I ended up on that plane and I had a choice, live without Bucky or die like I should have when he fell. I put that plane in the water because I wanted to, not because I had to." I said through my tears and everyone looked at me pitifully.

"I just couldn't live without him. Then I find out he's back and he's gone through hell because of me. Because I couldn't save him after he spent his whole life saving me." I cried and Natasha held me. I felt something against my leg and I looked down and saw a little girl staring up at me.

"Lila-"

"Bucky loves you and he wouldn't want you to be sad Captain, he would want you to be happy." Lila said and I smiled at her.

"You're right, you're very right." I said and she smiled at me.

"Then start being happier, so when you see him again you can make him happy!" Lila said and I laughed.

"You're a smart kid," I said and ruffled her hair. I stood up and went outside, I quickly texted Sam asking him about leads on Bucky before looking up at the sky.

"Just remember he could be looking at the stars thinking of you right now," Laura said and I smiled at her a mumbled a thanks.

  
**\-----**

  
"CAP, BARNES TURNED HIMSELF IN!" Tony yelled and I jumped up from my couch.

"What floor," I asked.

"Where is he," I asked.

"Containment building," Tony said and I took off in a run. I ran down 16 flights of stairs to the ground floor. I took off to the containment building and I stopped when I saw they had Bucky in a glass containment unit. I ran up to him and I pressed my hand against the glass.

"Bucky," I said.

"Hey babydoll," Bucky said.

"You remember?" I asked with tears stinging my eyes.

"Of course I do," Bucky said and smiled at me.

"What made you come back," I asked.

"You almost got crushed by a city, so I had to come take care of my babyboy." Bucky said and I smiled at him as I felt tears run down my face.

"Don't cry kitten, I'm here," Bucky said and tried to raise his cuffed hand to the glass but he was shocked. Bucky screamed out in pain and I looked at the soldiers who were trying to pull me away.

"Get that shock collar off of him," I said.

"We can't do that Captain," one of the soldiers said.

"Then I'll fucking do it," I said and started punching out the glass. I broke it and pulled the shock collar off of Bucky. I threw it at the soldiers' feet and I looked at them intimidatingly before looking at Bucky again.

"Doll, you're all cut up now," Bucky said and I looked at my bleeding arm.

"Then help me out you jerk," I said and Bucky shattered the glass with his cuffs. Bucky and I took the cuffs off together and he freed his legs. We destroyed the opening and Bucky picked me up. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and smiled. Bucky kissed my tears away before kissing me.

"You know you're only in your boxers right?" Bucky asked and I looked down at my half naked self.

"Tony told me you surrendered and I just started running." I said and Bucky laughed then kissed me again. I heard the team wolf whistle and I blushed.

"The famous Avengers huh?" Bucky said and I nodded. Bucky walked over to them and I hid my face in his shoulder.

"Buck," I said and turned my face to look at him.

"I gotta thank the people that have been takin' care of ya while I couldn't," Bucky said.

"We can do that later, but for now, put the Captain down," Fury said and people pointed guns at Bucky and I.

"If you're gonna shoot Bucky, shoot me too," I said.

"Same for me," Natasha said.

"What?" I asked and Natasha smiled at me.

"I don't trust him for ruining bikini season. But he's already made you so much happier than you were without him. You deserve happiness Steve, and if he's the one who makes you happy, I'll take another bullet." Natasha said and I smiled at her and thanked her.

"I just wanna see the big guy happy," Tony said and stepped forward.

"I've already spent months searching for you, might as well take a bullet on top of that," Sam said and stepped forward. Eventually everyone stepped forward and Nick rolled his eye. He called the shooters off and looked at everyone who was still defending Bucky and I.

"Ok Spartacus, you can stand down now." Nick said and everyone backed down.

"Go get some clothes on and bring him to the main briefing room," Nick said to me and Bucky let me down and I pulled him into the elevator. We went up to my floor and he looked around.

"This is all your's?" Bucky asked and I shook my head.

"Our's," I said and kissed him.

"I'm gonna go get dressed," I said.

"You look fine to me," Bucky said and I blushed. I went to the bedroom and quickly got dressed before coming back out.

"Don't you think that shirt is a little tight baby?" Bucky asked and cupped my pecs in his hands. Bucky started sucking on my neck and I pushed him lightly.

"As much as I want to, Fury almost sent a firing squad on you. I don't think he'll be happy if we take too long," I said and Bucky grabbed my ass. I looked at him and he sighed in defeat.

"No fun," Bucky pouted. We stepped back in the elevator and quickly made it to the main briefing room.

"My 7th grade history teacher can roll in her grave for giving me a C on my paper about Cap being gay," Coulson said to Fury and I smiled.

"A-, I'm bisexual," I said and Coulson turned around to face me.

"No 'ahh you aren't dead' rant?" Coulson asked and I shook my head.

"Lady Sif told Thor then Thor told us," I said and Coulson nodded. I held my hand out and Coulson shook it. I pulled my hand away and his fell to the floor.

"I guess it wasn't without casualties," I said.

"Hell no, I didn't do that shit to him," Fury said. I looked at Bucky who was standing off to the side behind me. We all sat down and I placed my hand on Bucky's knee as it bounced nervously.

"None of us see you as a criminal Sargent Barnes," Maria said and Bucky nodded awkwardly.

"I mean, you did me a favor by attempting to kill me." Fury said and I glared at him warningly when Bucky cringed.

"We want to help," Maria said.

"Why," Bucky asked.

"So Rogers doesn't kill us-"

"Because the world's longest surviving prisoner of war shouldn't be prosecuted for the crimes of the captors." Coulson cut Fury off.

"Also so Steve doesn't kill us," Maria said.

"That is the second reason," Coulson said.

"Won't the government want me?" Bucky asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Since when have we ever listened to the government?" I asked and Bucky opened his mouth to answer but closed it when I gave him a challenging look.

"Never-"

"Then why should we start now? We can tell them to fuck off and go buy you some of those graphic tees from Hot Topic or Spencer's."

"Steve, you know you can't-"

"Watch me," I said to Maria.

"You fuckin' punk, you can't fight everyone-"

"How many times have you told me that?" I asked and Bucky rolled his eyes.

"How many times have you ignored me when I've said that?" Bucky asked and I smiled at him.

"Glad we're on the same page," I said.

"We're not," Fury said.

"You have no reason to report us to the people who think you're a terrorist, so if you report Bucky, I can report you." I threatened Fury and he looked at me.

"What makes you think they'll listen?" Fury asked and I let out a tiny laugh.

"They think you're Hydra, Bucky was captured by Hydra. You were friends with Alexander Pierce, Bucky was controlled by Alexander Pierce. I'm sensing a pattern here," I said.

"You wouldn't lie," Fury said.

"Lying has been my favorite hobby since 1934," I said.

"More like 1918," Bucky said.

"Point is, out of all the terrorists in this room, I know which one I'll be loyal to." I said and stood up.

"What about us Steve," Maria asked.

"Tony really hates Nick, so I don't think it would be below him to release your past work place experiences. As for you, I'd just stay dead," I said and Bucky stood up.

"I thought we were friends Steve," Maria said.

"That scenario was completely hypothetical, unless you decide to hurt Bucky. Now from what I heard, none of you want to hurt him, so let's keep it that way. Everyone is below Bucky to me, I'd do anything for him," I said.

"Except jump off a train," Fury said and Bucky darted towards him. Bucky held him against the wall by his throat, Maria and Coulson pulled guns out. I flipped the table on them and they were crushed under it.

"Don't ever pretend to know what happened that day." Bucky hissed and dropped Fury.

"I hope I've made my point," I said then Bucky and I left and went back to our floor. I heard footsteps and grabbed my shield.

"Got any toys for me," Bucky asked.

"A gun under my pillow," I said.

"Nothing else?"

"A vibrator."

"I can work with that," Bucky said and went into the bedroom. He came out with the gun and went behind me. I covered the both of us with my shield and we waited for the ambush.

"Am I allowed to kill them," Bucky asked.

"If it's anyone I care about, not yet. If it's not, leave one as a messenger." I said and Bucky laughed.

"You're so evil Stevie," Bucky said.

"Not new information," I said as the door flew open. Gunshots were fired but I blocked them. I looked at the people and nodded to Bucky. Bucky shot four of them in the throat and they fell to the ground. Three more charged in and I threw my shield hard, their heads fell off and my shield ricocheted back to me. Five more came in and Bucky shot one in the throat. I threw Bucky my shield and charged them. I jumped on one's shoulders and snapped their neck with my legs. I quickly jumped to another one and kicked them towards Bucky who crushed their neck with his arm. Bucky quickly disassembled the gun and slit another one's throat. I kicked the gun out of the last one's arms and grabbed them. I held them over the stairwell and they looked at me fearfully.

"Tell whoever sent you that we don't play games. I'll kill anyone at anytime, don't look for us." I said and they nodded. I put them down and they ran away.

"Start packing," I said and Bucky nodded. We quickly packed and made it down to the garage, then we got on my bike and left.

**Author's Note:**

> ha gAYY
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> hmu on colorfulbucky on wattpad and a bunch of other shit like tumblr, instagram, twitter, and yeah
> 
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> also i enjoy comments but i won't reply to them unless they're questions bc anxiety whoop cool yeah k


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